The Best Cigarettes

Not the Brands, the Vibes

Cigarettes are addictive, bad for your health, and elevate your heart rate amongst other bad things. When used appropriately though, they scratch the itch you did not know you had. This expose will cover the best times to light up a dancer’s stick and exhale excellent vibes. You should avoid smoking cigarettes regularly because if they become your moderation, you will become the Ben Affleck meme before you know it.

Now for a little backstory the first cigarette I ever smoked was on my 18th birthday. Yes, I am old enough that I was able to buy nicotine before they raised the legal purchase age. Bought my first bong the day before they voted on it. But back to my first cig, I bought a pack of American Spirit black which looking back on… absolute psycho call.

Having grown up with parents who smoked Camel Lights and Winstons I was told that Spirits were the “healthy” cigarette of choice. My Aunt, who is my next-door neighbor, filmed me doing it and looking back on this, it is pretty funny. All in all, did not enjoy that cig at all and it put me on a hiatus from them until well into college, when I moved to Atlanta for a summer. I hid that first pack in a bookcase in my house and found it like four years later and pretty sure I gave it to my buddy Bird.

Any who, analog tobacco is the best as the digital age has low key ruined the fun but makes you appreciate the simplicity of cigarettes. Also, the dedication to the craft goes way harder than vapes. I do not want to lose the plot here, but it felt necessary to discuss how the new wave of nicotine has warped the game we once loved. Before this digression turns into a vape diatribe let me begin talking about the best times to enjoy a cigarette. These will not be ranked because they are all unique in their own right.

Long Solo Car Ride w/ a fountain Coca-Cola

This cig goes pretty hard, usually a summertime a vibe where I am driving down to the Cape. This cig is one where I have some tunes going, the original flavor Coca-Cola is slapping the dopamine bringing my noggin to a place of nostalgia and tranquility. It’s not an overly complicated cig as the only real downside is if you are moving with relative speed at any point trying to appropriately ash outside the window.

The tunes really define how well this cig goes for any novices out there. As much as I love rap, I am usually going with something more indie rock here. I want to be able to start playing the steering wheel drums in between drags. It’s all about vibes so there is not one clear winning song here but one that will never fail this test no matter how hard you try, American Pie by Don McLean. That song is meant for you to be smoking cigarettes in the car by yourself drinking a Cola, about as American as it can get.

Anywhere in Europe

This is universally agreed that Europe has the best cigarette vibe in the world. They just get it, the packages scare you but make you laugh a little, they’ll let you do it at a cafe. Fuck they even perfected the vape/cig situation by making a vape that you put cigs into for less smell.

The best Euro cigs are the skinny ones, particularly Vogues. Vogues / Benny Hedges aka Benson Hedges, they are like the ice cream of cigarettes. They are genuine perfection and I cannot say better cigarettes exist. In terms of which Euro cigs have I enjoyed the most? Like God’s children I love them all equally, but the Parisian cigs always felt the most right. In Paris the cigs with wine went hard, everywhere else a good beer will suffice. Most underrated Euro cigs were hands down in Brussels, need to get back there in this lifetime.

Italian cigs were a very close second and seeing as though I was at a wedding in the countryside of Florence those are just superior. But because it’s a 1-2 triple combo of wedding + Italian countryside = unparalleled cigarette vibes they almost are in their own category. Shout out to my cousin and her new husband (probably more so my uncle who probably paid for a good chunk) by the way that wedding was unreal.

End of the Night

This one does not get enough love. After a great night out with friends, everyone is ready to call it, but you have one last cigarette together before you begin trying to sleep off the drinks and good times hanging out. You begin to have a TNT NBA Post game trying to figure out who is Chuck, Shaq, Kenny and Ernie. These are not cigarettes you necessarily say “this was a good idea” but in the moment you relish the fact you’re alive and vibing with some homies.

Next to Any Body of Water

Very simple, very true. The ocean is actually the worst body of water to take in a cigarette. The best is usually on a bridge or a dock by lake or river. The ocean is super windy / usually better for a spliff/joint type beat. Sunrise and sunset are the best times for these, middle of the day not the vibe. Also with this one, make sure there aren’t kids around - just poor form / have some decorum here. Pool cigs can be cool but also a fine line of leaning toward trashy. Boat cigarettes, c’mon you already know.

Golf Course

Arguably the best cigarette to exist and the reason golf can never be taken away from the world. There’s something about striking a match after a great drive, smelling the fresh cut grass, and taking in the leisure and pleasure of a day with a nice drag. The golf course cigarette also is great because it is utilitarian. Had a few too many transfusions? Light one for balance. Really bad shot that makes you want to scream? Spark are flying pal. Or if you’re me and holed out a 79-yard birdie like I did last July 2025 with my buddy Dean, light up everything you got and hand it out to the other random guys you are playing with, fuck even ask the cart girl for her number (it was her actual number but literally nothing came of it for those wondering).

The golf course cigarette is truly unmatched. There’s nothing like staring down my inevitable first of a two putt situation, taking a drag with an energy blend of S1 True Detective and me thinking this is my Master’s. Then, I gently lay it down over a blade of grass, miss that first putt, tap it in and pick it up the dart, take a drag in blissful anguish. Also everyone knows the rules, light up after the first par or by the turn if the round is really going that poorly.

After Sex

If you read this far, good for you! I assume most people tap out of these rather early. I parked this one down here because I did not want to just bust this one out of the gate. And yeah, the band named Cigarettes After Sex themselves after something truly great, good for them.

My Mandela effect in life is that there’s a scene in the Simpsons of Mayor Quimby or some character smoking cigarettes after sex in bed against like a dark backdrop where you only see his outline and then small flame of the cig. They must have been required to remove that from the world because it is fully accurate to how awesome that feeling is. Cigarettes immediately after sex are podium but are truly moments you should only have a few times in your life.

They always say don’t have sex on molly because you’ll never enjoy sex again and they should also say don’t light a cigarette in bed / in your living room with someone after you two just went to town on each other, it’s just almost too good of a vibe. The first time this happened the woman I was with brought out European cigs she had imported from like Albania. I had just put my socks back on as we sparked them on the couch of her penthouse and they were knocked clean off in one sensual inhale.

I had smoked plenty before, but this was a moment where you could hear the “Ahhhhh” choir singing in the background as I exhaled. To the women I had the pleasure of enjoying those cigarettes with, thank you. That’s all folks, avoid smoking but if you do make sure the vibes are right.

Comment your favorite cigs down below if you have one!