Great Bev's
some of the bevs your writer enjoys to imbibe (boozie & non-alcoholic bevs)
Drinks are an interesting concept us humans have developed outside of water. In theory we only really need water to survive after infancy yet we have universally developed so many other drinks to enjoy. Now, this might come as a shock to some but I do not drink coffee so to your dismay it will not be on this list of beveragino’s that I enjoy. These will be in no specific order because this is for the vibes. Cheers!
And so we begin….
Earl Grey Tea (occasionally w/Almond milk)
This is how I like to begin most mornings during the work week as my source of caffeine. The oxy moron that is the tranquil rush it provides me is unlike most other beverages. Like a can of chicken noodle soup on a rainy day it just warms my spirit/soul in ways that are almost ineffable aside from this very description. Highly recommend getting a box to store in your home for Sunday mornings as well as it can be nice to sip while reading the news or on a Sunday stroll through the esplanade or wherever you find yourself enjoying this steamy drink.
*Note*: You can also get this as a London Fog at your local coffee shop with steamed milk and let me tell you… tis a fucking treat.
Moscow Mule
The boujee bastard that is myself enjoys this delicacy with Grey Goose. If made right (Goslings ginger beer, a mint leaf, & in the copper mug) you will drink a few of these per hour until you’re fluent in Russian. The day I know I will have found true love is when I am handed one of these by the woman I expect to be my wife without asking (well hopefully she does not roofy the drink either).
Coca-Cola / Cherry Coke
Recently, I have formed this opinion that you either drink regular coke or diet and if you say you drink both you’re lying to yourself. Sometimes, while out with my non-beer drinking giraffe I’ll dive into some rum & cokes but that is not how I prefer it. People often times like to comment on how similar I am to my father but this right here comes directly from my mom. Picture this: Sunday morning, you’re hung fu panda and the you’ve got a drive ahead - you know what’s going to cure it? A nice can of coke and a cigarette with some chill tunes playing. Don’t knock it til you try it. And miss me with that Pepsi “is Pepsi okay?” no it’s not.
Satzu aka Sahtz (pronounced Sah-tsss like the hiss of a cracked open can)
The Family special. If you have been to any of my mom’s holiday parties I have probably made you one of these. It is arguably the best way to drink alcohol ever. Very simple recipe that I share with homies as I am making them aka inquire for details next time I host a pregame or something or give me a call.
This drink just screams summer. Yes, you can have them in the winter but drinking one of these elixirs down the Cape is truly unbeatable. It’s delicious and somewhat nutritious (prevents scurvy). Also, it has been in the family (mom’s side) since I think the 40’s or 50’s so it’s been a staple to every party for quite some time.
Root Beer
Probably the most divisive soda there is, between this and what brand of seltzer you drink says a lot about you. Me you ask? I am a simple man who prefer Barq’s or an IBC from time to time. Got a buddy who is exclusively a Mug root beer guy and I respect his choice. Will say the grocery store brand root beer is criminal/psychopath behavior.
Glug
If you don’t have a family relative who makes his own moonshine type wine that you have to heat up in the microwave on Thanksgiving and take as a shot I truly feel bad for you.
Thanks Kenny B, you da goat.
Seltzer (Both NA & the ones that send you to AA)
So for regular seltzer I stick to my fucking roots. Polar seltzer ‘til I die motherfucker. Every flavor of their shit is orgasmic [pretty much (especially that year they did the Unicorn stuff). If you drink LaCroix like congrats on the sex buddy nobody cares. Now for alcoholic seltzers during COVID (wow 4 years ago now) I was sort of a connoisseur of these but have since not really found myself going for these all that often. The best one’s in a somewhat particular order are the following
Press (lemon limegrass whatever tastes like Sprite no cap)
High Noon - easiest to drink in my opinion
Vizzy (summer only though)
Truly Berry pack
White Claw - these have actually gotten worse over time change my mind you won’t
Gatorade - Nipple Tip Only
Everyone loves Gatorade, comment your favorite flavor down in the comments. Mine is more mood based than a gift shop mood ring. Sometimes I’ll even drink red!
Grape Soda
I am probably baked and just ordered a shit load of pizza and this will be gone in one touch no questions asked. I will feel terrible after but man was the burn so good. I am brand agnostic here, will pretty much drink any Grape soda put in front of my face.
Hot Toddy - Sometimes called a Hotty Toddy (by me & me alone)
Whiskey and Tea? Like banana bread at work dude, HELL YES. This drink is great for a Sunday brunch vibe. Also, if you ever want to get saucy on your own take peach crown royal and green tea and you’re in for a delight. Additional ideas are black tea and jack but alas I am done here. Try it for yourself then report back.
Corona (Premiere, Light, Regular)
The only beer to keep you sober while at the bar. By that I mean it’s a utility beer and also the beer to help you find your beach. Do not forget your lime wedge bruv : )
Polar Orange Dry
Another beverage that comes from my central Massachusetts roots. This soda just always knocks my socks off and is the chief orange soda. Only thing that compares is an Orangina and I do not know where to even find those these days. Polar Orange Dry is like Jayson Tatum after a cut, Top 5 no questions.
Foster’s
You ever have a long work week and need a soup can of beer to really start a bender? Turn to Fosters.
You ever find yourself sitting on a roof and/or deck and not want to have to go back inside for a really long time and need a big beer to soak it all in? Turn to Fosters.
Are you ever late to the pregame and there’s a liquor store next door but you only have time for roughly 2-3 beers but want to have it all in one? Turn to Fosters.
Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider / Grape
You’re a kid at the grown ups table with one of these. You may as well have just bought a bottle at the club you feel so cool. The sugar rush from these was methadone mile high but as kid these actually gave me sugar hangovers. Not to blow anyone’s mind but one of these bottles are the same volume as a bottle of wine which is the same amount in ounces as an Arnold Palmer you can get at the gas station. All have roughly similar amounts of sugar too (I did not fact check that AT ALL vibes only).
Red Wine
Something else I get from my mom, a love for a good bottle of red. One time at Christmas dinner my brother said “that bottle is really good” so I poured the rest of it in my glass and he is still salty about it to this day. And yes brother (if you are reading this), it was delicious.
Matte
Only had this once while in Europe hanging out with friends I made in a hostel from Argentina. This drink is pretty cool, you put these leaves some piping hot water over a mug and all pass around a metal straw. This was included because I miss that trip and those homies and the funny convo’s we had over these.
Baja Blast
Arguably the best fountain drink from any fast food chain. I don’t even like Mountain Dew but if you put some Baja Blast in from of me I will Baja Blast myself into a sugar coma. The marg version of this at the Taco Bell Cantina in Lauderdale also slaps.
XXX Vitamin Water
Those slicks fucks were conniving when they got us all to believe this shit would be healthy back in the early 2010’s. Alongside its brothers and sister flavors of the Vitamin Water brand these had me nearly foaming at the mouth for these back then. Anytime my dad would buy some they had maybe a two day shelf life in our house. Enough said.
Propel
I’d call this the predecessor to Vitamin Water with the same effect only I’d be drinking all of my friend Matty O’s when we would go to his house. Also, these things will turn you into a race horse if you know what I mean.
Water
“Make me sweat, make me hotter
Make me lose my breath, make me water
Make me sweat, make me hotter
Make me lose my breath, make me water”
What else is there to say about the essential drink to humanity. Actually, in all seriousness read up on hard water it’s a serious issue. Also, one of the greatest lines I have ever heard about someone I had never met was “that kid is so rich I would not be surprised if he bathes in Voss water”.