Dating Advice

how to take them from woo'd to swoon in a jiffy

Now… no one is an expert in the art of dating. Do not heed my words as gospel nor shrug them off. These could (probably won’t) help you land that special someone.

Facts for the Fellas

Fellas, you’re getting ready for that first date and the butterflies are hatching out of their cocoons. Here are some helpful hints to take make them fall in love with you.

Cologne

When you initially meet and say “where’s my hug” the first thing they will notice after is your scent. Every manly blog (because so many manly, masculine men love to read other men’s cologne takes) are going to say get something musty or rich in scent.

WRONG!

What you need to do is get something that will make her think “who cooked here?”. Go get some Chanel No.5 so you leave them thinking “who did he hug before me?". It also lets them know you are are king and treat yourself to the finer things in life.

If you really want to rile up the pheromones go rip a bong and/or a cig before meeting up. They (whatever your preference is) will love the smell of stale smoke mixed with perfume. This works 60% of the time 100% of the time… you are the sex panther.

Conversation

The key to any good date is witty banter and conversation. Are you shy and not super quick on your feet? Use the Socratic method when talking to that special someone as they will love if you just keep asking them questions so they can hear the sound of their own voice and not any of your own thoughts on any given matter.

Level up your questioning by making every question a gaslighting question. You’re already playing with fire so why not add some kerosene? Again, you are sex a panther.

Attire

A true player to the game is letting it all hang out by wearing grey sweatpants to show that frog eye/third leg. Really tighten it up with a sweatshirt and flannel with a yard work sweaty, backwards trucker hat and you’re golden ponyboy.

The next best possible outfit you could rock is cargo shorts with leather strapped sandals (weather permitting). Show them you’re already in daddy mode and only order Bud Light platinum’s at the bar so they know you’re lit and rich.

Third option, dress like it’s the early 2000’s and you’re in a R&B music video. Collared shirt with a mismatching tie and terrible vest combo. They’ll be marriage ready by your third date.

Wisdom for Women

To all the beautiful women, love is not a competition. It’s a battlefield so this is how you prove why they should be storming beaches like D-DAY craving for your attention.

Make Up

If you really want to stand out to that soon to be lover, really hone in on your make up routine. Head over to Sephora/Ulta and get foundation, concealer, primer, etc. that does not match the rest of your body’s skin tone. Do not even bother to blend it as they want to know the difference between your face and neck so they have no idea what to expect when they wake up in the morning. CAKE THAT SHIT UP GIRLIES.

Princess Treatment

Make them order you an Uber to the date to show them you’re worth it. Order at least two appetizers and an entrée and finish none of them. When the check comes do not even offer to split it just sit there and watch. If they ask you to split it just respond with “get a better job” and leave.

Phones

Anytime dead time / silence should be fulfilled with checking your phone and responding to your latest matches on various dating apps with lies about what you’re currently doing. Honestly, you should invite another match to the date to breed some competition. Truly light a fire under their ass.

Comment down below any other good dating advice and if there should be a part II!